idealistic | IC INBOX {driftfleet}

[Oops. Meanwhile even if he's still nervous, a small smirk creeps up on his face without knowing it.]

Yeah. Or maybe they'd could go transparent and glow. Something along those lines.

Yeah!! Man, I'm getting excited just thinking about it!

[ hold your horses there, Lloyd-o, it's not like they're actually going to visit a planet like that anytime soon... if ever.

he settles down a little, though, looking up at the sky. ]

I never knew space could be so big. I knew there had to be other people living out there-- [ thank you, Derris-Kharlan. ] --but there's so many different planets we've never even heard about. It's kind of amazing, huh?

Edited (fuck phone tagging tbh) 2014-12-31 17:42 (UTC)

Don't waste all your excitement now. It'll be awhile before we hit the next system I bet.

[Since seriously Lloyd. We all know how you work and don't waste it now. But at that statement, he has to consider it, eyes following Lloyd's to the sky.]

...Yeah, it is. [He's been to a few worlds now himself, but that's not even counting all the different ones he's heard about through other people] Even makes me feel like I'm from the boondocks.

[Especially after seeing some Earth cities. Man. Those things were just way too damn big]

Really?

[ it actually surprises Lloyd a little to hear that from Kaneis, considering where he's from. Meltokio's easily the biggest city he's been to, and for Kaneis to admit even that... ]

Mm... I think I get it. Aselia's huge, but I guess there could be places and planets that are even bigger than home.

Yeah, really.

[He knows! It's freaky to admit but it's true!]

Like this one planet I was on- called Earth? They had these cities where some of the buildings were so tall, you couldn't even see the tops of them on a cloudy day. And these cities had millions of people in them. Not thousands, millions. It was crazy.

That many?!

[ never mind the fact that it's weird that they named a planet after an element, but the fact that there are cities with that many people and buildings that tall?!

and here he thought the Altamira hotel and the Tower of Mana were tall buildings. ]

And I thought Meltokio was a big city... How could you walk around with that many people?

Well...I'd assume they don't all use the same sidewalk at the same time.

Or they'd have to be really big so that people won't bump into each other. [ even so, it must take them forever to get form one end to the other. did they have a tram system like back in Altamira? ]

Why would they make cities that big, anyway?

[he makes a small scoff as he starts walking up the stairs to some overlook] Spoken like a true country bumpkin.

Because city's are cool, that's why.

[ wOW EXCUSE???? THAT COMMENT WAS SO UNCALLED FOR ]

Well yeah, I know they're cool! But millions of people? That's just gonna make it way too cramped! [ he's so affronted he forgot this is the part where he's supposed to be climbing up some stairs. ]

Watch it Lloyd, stairs.

[Don't fall on your face now!]

It makes more sense if you see one. At least, compared to whatever you're picturing right now.

Whoa--

[ that was a close one. he totally knew they were there, by the way, he just tripped over the first step on purpose. but okay, climbing after him now. ]

It's not like I don't want to see one! [ hes actually bouncing in excitement at the prospect of seeing a city that big. ] I just don't want to end up being squished by a bunch of people before I even get a chance to see it.

You won't, you won't. Just stay clear of a thing called subways and even a country bumpkin like you will be just fine.

[He continues walking up the stairs until it reaches an overlook at the forests below and beyond the city. He gives a small little headshake to himself]

Gotta admit though- I've missed this.

[ goddammit Kaneis will you quit it with the country bumpkin thing gOD

Lloyd manages to reach the top a little after Kaneis and he was about to ask him what a "subway" was... but then he sees the view and is left in a breathless state of awe. ]

...It's just like Flanoir.

[Never gonna quit it. Nope.]

[He meanwhile steps near the railing, leaning down to rest his elbows on it as he looks out]

Yeah, it is.

[Fitting, in a way. If Kaneis had to take a guess about when the beginning of his end had started...his mind kept drifting back to that snowy village. And now over a year later, in what was literally another lifetime, millions of miles and goddess knows how many dimensions away from home- here he was again.]

[He really hoped things didn't go as bad this time.]

Lloyd, I...

Well, I actually brought you out here to tell you something. Something...not good.

Edited 2015-01-01 00:57 (UTC)

[ Lloyd can't help but get a sense of deja vu at all this, and not just because the view reminds him of Flanoir. it takes him back to when he talked to Colette in a spot just like this, when she helped to quell some worries of his and gave him the snow rabbit charm that would later save his life. the very same snow rabbit is tucked away in his coat, right above his heart where he kept it before.

for a moment, he almost goes "but what was so important that you couldn't say back at the ship?" but then he notes the heaviness in his words, especially at the last part. something not good, huh? it must have been a big deal if Kaneis didn't want any other potentially prying ears to get in on their conversation.

so he doesn't ask anything. his expression instantly sobers from the playful curiosity it held before. he can tell this is supposed to be serious; Kaneis didn't even need to add in the last part to affirm such a thing.

so instead, Lloyd offers his reassurance. ]

...Alright. I'm listening.

Edited 2015-01-01 01:24 (UTC)

Right....

[He hesitates a little, fear and dread gnawing at his stomach. But...he's gotta go through with it right? If he doesn't say it now, it might come up later, at a much worse time.]

[Besides, even if his name right now was fake...he really was trying not to live a lie.]

Remember how I told you about how we come from different dimensions- different timelines? And how things happened differently for us? And...remember how we told you about those guys in Exsilium resurrecting people to help them fight - when we were talking about Mithos?

[He swallowed a little]

Well, I didn't lie- I honestly don't know if that guy had been resurrected or brought earlier in time or what, but...I did hold back some information then. About how I knew that they did that.

Truth is...the reason I knew? Is because they resurrected me.

[ he listens and he waits with the patience of a saint, because he can tell this is taking a lot for Kaneis to say. he knows he's definitely a lot more reserved than he was in the past, which meant that whatever happened in this alternate dimension definitely affected him.

so he just listens, nodding and humming in response to his questions even as he continued talking to show that Lloyd is listening. he remembers the conversation well, as though they had it yesterday: knowing that somewhere, in some other planet or dimension, Mithos was brought back to life... it was hard for Lloyd to ignore that.

in fact, the mere mention of it ends up back on the forefront of his mind the moment Kaneis even mentions it. how were those people able to bring him back? they said their kidnappers probably had power that was beyond Origin's capabilities-- but how did they get their hands on such power in the first place? how could they reach through different dimensions and timelines and supposedly bring people back from the dead? if they were able to pull that, who knows what else they could have--

"...The reason I knew? Is because they resurrected me."

...

wait. ]

What...

[ resurrection... he said that those guys resurrected him. he's heard that term thrown around a lot during his travels, mainly from Professor Sage. he's heard it enough times to know what it means to resurrect someone. he's even able to piece two and two together when Kaneis and Flora used the words "resurrect" and "Mithos" in the same sentence: to resurrect some is to bring someone back from...

...he had to have heard that wrong. he probably misunderstood something in that sentence or something. that's usually what happens, right?

"They resurrected me."

or maybe he's joking. it's a messed up joke, but Kaneis — or rather, Zelos — was well-known for his ill-timed jokes. this sort of thing was only the norm, right?

"They resurrected me."

...right? ]

Kaneis, what do you...?

[He'll force himself to look at Lloyd, look at him in the eye from where he's standing. And this time, he'll say it more directly]

I died, back in my world. Before the worlds were ever reunited.

That's...how our dimensions are different. [One of the ways, at least]

...

[ the words echo through his mind with an amazing clarity that Lloyd was sure would have been the same even if he had no angelic hearing. Kaneis died where he was from. in his dimension, Kaneis is dead. this... this has to be a cruel joke. it has to be.

but he's looking at him straight in the eye. he's being serious.

oh god. he can't say anything to that, he can't even bring himself to say anything. what is there to say? no matter what he tries, all he can muster is a slow shake of his head in disbelief. ]

You...

[...Yeah. He knows Lloyd's denial stage when he sees it]

...I'm not making it up.

[His shoulders slump a little]

Look, I'm not really expecting you to do or say anything about it. You're not from my dimension- so it's not really your problem. It was my screw-up, so it's something I'll deal with.

I just...figured since we're on the same ship, it'd be good to tell you before it came up some other way.

[ before he realizes it, Lloyd finds himself stuck at an odd sort of limbo. he's looking at Kaneis, but he's not seeing him. he's hearing him, but he's not listening to what he's saying. his mind is at a standstill as he processes the bombshell that was just given to him.

Kaneis is actually dead.

Kaneis died before the world's were reunited.

Kaneis was resurrected by the same people who brought Mithos back. that's the only reason why he's here.

he can feel the chill from the cold air seep into his skin. part of him wants to tell him that it's okay. his Zelos is fine; he was there for the final battle, he saw the worlds reunite and he saw Yggdrasill being planted and named, he returned to Meltokio to tie up some loose ends, alive and well. but this Zelos... Kaneis, he's from a dimension where Lloyd fucked up. he's not sure how, but apparently at some point he wasn't strong enough to protect his friends, and it cost one of them their life.

he can feel the all-too familiar sting in his eyes, and he has to force himself to blink away the tears. it's then that Kaneis's words actually do manage to process and he can feel an uncomfortable fire start to overtake him when they actually form a meaning in his brain. ]

...Bull.

[He stares at Lloyd, trying to make sense of what he means by that.]

What?

[ he's not sure what exactly caused him to snap. it could have been Kaneis's innocent-sounding "what?". it could have been his reassurances that it wasn't Lloyd's problem because he wasn't from his dimension. it could have been anything really, but somehow, for some reason, it was enough for something in Lloyd to break loose and unleash a rush of everything he felt just from this one conversation.

it's all a dream. ]

That's bullcrap!!

[ his shout actually echoes, causing some snow on the nearby treetops to fall off the branches.

it's all a dream. ]

"It's not really my problem"? "It was your screw-up"?! Kaneis, you're my friend-- I don't care if I'm not from your dimension, of course it's my problem!!

[ he doesn't notice when his hands start to ball up into tight fists, and thankfully he's wearing gloves because otherwise the pressure would have most likely drawn blood.

it's all a dream. ]

The last thing I ever wanted to happen was to have any of you die! I still don't want that to happen, even now! When everyone sacrificed themselves for me back at the Tower, it hurt! I thought I would never see any of them ever again! I was scared, dammit! I care about all of you way too damn much, I never wanted that to happen!

[ it's all a dream. ]

And you're my friend just as much as the Zelos from my dimension: that's the last thing I want from you, too, no matter what!

[ his voice cracks, and he's pretty sure the snow landing on his face started feeling warmer. he doesn't notice how his eyes are stinging full force.

it's not a dream. ]

What the hell happened? What happened, where did I screw up?! Why couldn't I save you?! Why couldn't I stop it from happening?!

[ he chokes back a sob. ] What the hell was I even doing?!

[ it's real. ]

[Lloyd's words struck at him. Part of him had been expecting this. It had been the same with Sheena and Seles after all. Seles had been less articulate and more explosive, but the sentiment had been the same. Sheena...he hadn't stuck around for the initial fall out, he had fled, but every time his death came up he'd see the effects (even if took him a long time to understand why).]

[Even so, it never got easier to see. To see that yet again, he was causing people he cared about pain. That he still didn't know how to stop that pain. Or what he was supposed to do about it]

You didn't do anything! Okay?!

[He found himself shouting back, his own fists clenching - frustrated at that gnawing sense of helplessness he was feeling. If Lloyd was already blaming for himself without knowing the details, there was no way he could tell him how it actually went down. He couldn't do that to this Lloyd. Even if he felt a bit more conflicted about his own Lloyd- it wasn't right to make this guy have to deal with that]

[He bites his lip until he could get himself to stop shouting]

Look- You didn't screw up anything! It was my choice! Completely mine! I thought maybe if I- [No. Don't talk about that stuff.] - It doesn't matter. I was stupid. And wrong. Nothing got better, it just screwed everything up. I know that now.

[He looked away, down at the ground. He felt totally helpless about what to do]

I'm sorry, Lloyd. Okay? I'm sorry.

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