idealistic | IC INBOX {driftfleet}

[ he doesn't really respond, only nodding and rubbing at his cheeks and eyes to clear out any other tears. he's trying to get a hold of himself, and he can already feel the chill on his cheeks being replaced by a burning heat.

that was so embarrassing. it's never a good thing to hear that a friend of yours died in a situation that he only knew as a "what-if", but for him to burst into tears at the thought of it... well, it's not the first time he's cried since he first left Iselia.

at least Kaneis didn't say anything about it. but really, he can't help but ask in a tone that's only barely serious: ]

...You think you might?

[Nah, he won't say anything about the tears. If anything, it makes him feel guilty that he made him cry. Like a residue feeling that tears really should be saved for someone else- someone worth more than a failure like him.]

[But well, at least he's learned to shut up about those arguments]

[At Lloyd's tone, he gives the faintest of smirks before he answers with a single shrug. He could say something sincere here, but he'll instead...try to joke around a little]

Yeah, well you know...hanging around you is really damaging the whole tall, dark and handsome loner image I had going on. Not sure what to make of that.

Edited 2015-01-02 06:01 (UTC)

[ PFFFFFFFFFFFF

turns out that joke was just what they needed to lighten the mood: it manages to catch Lloyd off-guard to where he actually laughs a little, shaking his head at the sheer ridiculousness of the timing. leave it to Kaneis to make ill-timed jokes like that. it's a little sad that to admit that he actually missed those jokes considering his attitude as of late.

he still feels regret about not being able to do something about Kaneis's death, even if he doesn't know the details behind it, but he's still right: what's in the past is in the past. he's here now and that's what matters. ]

--What image?!

[Oh hey, he wasn't actually expecting that to get a laugh out of Lloyd. Not that he's going to complain, in fact the surprise of Lloyd laughing despite the weight of this conversation makes him smile a little.]

You know-! The whole dark, cool loner guy with that's got some troubled past and a weight on his shoulder? [Wait-] Or is it a chip? Eh- whatever. You know what I mean. That guy!

Point is, I thought I was pretty close to getting people to think I was like that, but now you're ruining it.

Edited 2015-01-02 18:21 (UTC)

C'mon, Kaneis. You probably couldn't pull off that sort of image even if I wasn't here.

[ he knows how you really are, don't test him. he sobers up soon enough, though. ]

Besides, there's nothing wrong with not pretending. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not just to get people to like you. [ that's not what he's trying to do here, Lloyd. ]

[A small snort] Gee, thanks.

[So supportive of you Lloyd. Except, that remark, even if it was meant nicely? Manages to get rid of his joking around. His eyes cast down to the ground beneath his feet and his hands grip onto the rail.]

I...haven't been pretending. [Maybe he lied about some details about his life, but not anything else. He really is just this messed up]

...

[ Lloyd doesn't say anything for a bit, watching as Kaneis deflates with that simple sentence. admittedly, he didn't know much about Zelos even if they've been friends for almost two years, and now even less about Kaneis. but even so, it hurts all the same to see the man before him put himself down because of some dumb decisions he made in the past, whether or not it created a chain of events that led to the end of his life. Lloyd didn't see that: things may have happened differently for him, but Lloyd can tell that he himself is not all that different.

he steps forward, stopping when he's directly in front of Kaneis, and takes in a breath. the cold air is stinging against his throat, but he ignores that. ]

I... Look, I don't know much about your past. You never really told me much, even in my dimension. [ he shakes his head. ] But I know enough about you to know that you're not as bad as you think you are. You act like a jerk sometimes and you do make stupid decisions, but you really are a good person with good intentions. You probably think that you're different from my Zelos because things happened differently in your dimension and you... [ he gulps, as though he's still trying to swallow that bombshell. ] You died because of it, and he didn't.

But I don't think so. I don't think you're all that different from him; you've just been through more stuff than he has, with what happened back home and the war you had to be a part of. [ again, he shakes his head, but this time it ends with a small, reassuring smile. ]

Actually... No matter what, I bet you'd still be a good person, even if you were someone else entirely.

[He's quiet at that for a bit of time. It's...comforting to hear those sorts of words, even if he's not sure he agrees with them. Sure. He tries to do right. Even more so now that he's got to see first hand the consequences his decisions had sown. But...enough to be a good person? He wasn't as sure about that. Not when bad stuff just seem to keep happening with him around.]

[But he eases up a little, especially after that last part, letting out a little sigh]

I really don't know what the answer is, with that whole if I'm the same person or not issue. It even hurts my head if I think about it too much.

[He'll look up to meet Lloyd's eyes.]

But...thanks. I dunno if I fully agree, but...well, at least I'm trying not to screw up as much as I did before.

[He shakes his head.]

Anyway, that's all I wanted to tell you. [At least, it's good enough for now] Even if you aren't the Lloyd I knew, I... Well, I felt you had a right to hear it from me.

And I appreciate it. A lot.

[ he really does. hearing that Kaneis died in a separate timeline was definitely the last thing he wanted to hear, but he appreciates the fact that he actually trusted him enough with this information. the details on his death are still up in the air — what happened, how did it happen, who or what was responsible for taking his life — but Lloyd would gladly wait for him to be ready to reveal the details behind his death.

he steels himself from cringing at the thought. it was still a bitter pill to swallow, and Lloyd only suspected that it would remain that way for a good long while. ]

I bet it probably took a lot for you to admit this.

[If Kaneis had his way? Lloyd would be waiting on those details for the rest of eternity. He doesn't want this guy to know. Not after he already blamed himself just for Kaneis being dead. He's pretty sure there'd be no way to convince him that it wasn't his fault if he knew the full details]

[No. Some things are better left unsaid.]

[But ugh. Don't say nice things like that. He'll pointedly avoid Lloyd's gaze]

Yeah, well you know...[He tries to shrug it off] Whatever. It'd come out sooner or later.

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